I have had a empty space related to spirituality for years. I was a regular church goer as a child, raised first as a Lutheran and then as a Methodist from the age of 10-13 when we lived in Germany. My strongest memories of that time was the social aspect, from gathering in the basement to share in the wonderful food of the international scene we lived in, to the immense participation in an excellent church production of Amahl and the Night Visitors (I was a boy soprano Amahl!). When we moved back to the US, for various reasons most of my family lost interest in church when I was ~13 and beyond a few attempts for 6 months or so we never attended church regularly as a family and for me virtually not at all.My eldest sister began college about this time and had really gotten the Christian religious bug from our time in Germany. In college she got involved in a church that seemed to use many cult like tactics, though I would not go so far as to classify them as a cult. This was really my first introduction to the seedier side of religion. Self righteous people who try and force their views on others through pressure, manipulation, and fear. Trips that early on were really cool...staying up late playing role playing games with my big sisters cool friends...became times for another maybe well meaning, but pushy Christian to try and convince me to accept jesus as my christ and savior. I have a vivid memory of one guys asking me if I thought I was going to heaven. When I answered that I was pretty sure, he launched in to a 15 minute lecture about how he was 100% sure and if i just accepted these lines in the bible as truth I could be sure as well.
In general organized religion has not sat well with me for 25 years.... especially the "fear tactics" and "one path to salvation" which always exists outside of yourself and your relationship with spirituality or God. And all to often seems to be tied with money.
But this did not mean that I didn't have a part of me that yearned for spirituality.
No comments:
Post a Comment